What to say?

So you have a friend who’s having trouble having a baby…  What do you say?  Do they want to talk about it or don’t they?  What if you say the wrong thing?  Is it better to say nothing at all?

**Read this article!**  It is the best piece of literature I have found online and it literally says it all.  A wonderful woman from Resolve came to speak to my support group and shared her own journey with infertility.  She mentioned this article as a great way to communicate with your family and friends.


One of the most profound statements in the article is this:  So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say “I am giving you this baby,” there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain.

I know that all people are different and I can only speak for myself when I say that, yes, nothing you can say will erase my pain, but you can definitely try to ease it a bit!  The best thing for me is to ask how I’m doing or is there anything I need.  Many times I just need to talk.  It actually makes me feel better to talk and I feel less alone if I’m sharing with others.  You don’t need to ask specific questions; keeping your concern general gives me a chance to respond in a way that is comfortable for me.

The worst thing to do is to ignore the elephant in the room.  It is not an easy thing to share my story.  I don’t have room in my life right now for friends who are not supportive.  That’s just how it is.  My problems don’t go away just because you are uncomfortable with them.

If you’re going through infertility yourself, check out the Resolve web site including the sections on Podcasts.  Attend a support group meeting if your area has one.  Pittsburgh does not, but my doctor’s office has it’s own support group and a social worker on staff.  There are resources out there and they really can help if you’re open to it.

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4 comments on “What to say?
  1. Ms. C says:

    Thank you for this. I often don’t know what to say, and of course I don’t want to offend by saying the wrong thing, or nothing at all. So thank you. And know that I think about you and your journey often, wishing you success.

  2. Sonya says:

    Great article! Thanks for sharing.

  3. Amy says:

    This is a great article — She definitely says it all and I’m glad to have read it now!

    You & Andy are always in my prayers :)

  4. Lisa A. says:

    I also worry about saying something offensive or hurtful. I think a lot of people just completely ignore the whole situation b/c they just don’t know what to say.

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Hi! We're Candice & Andy, writing about our kids Tristan & Delaney and our life in Western Pennsylvania.